Saturday, March 12, 2011

Trouble in Farmville

 A group of toys live across the street from the Toy Story toys' house.  They are owned by a teenage boy who is still a virgin.  The boy discovers that his toys are alive and convinces them to help him get laid.  He even threatens to give his Wii Asian Man with Afro Avatar to his kid sister if he doesn't go along.  One of his toys is a Farmville family that traverses the Internet to help, including hacking the Pentagon and getting to know a flash stripper ad.  A GI Joe doll with post-war-stress-syndrome is in love with the boy's sister's Bratz doll who has the hots for Woody.  All day long it's "Woody" this and "Woody" that.

Scene: GI Joe finally gets it up.  He calls to the Bratz doll "Check it out babe.  I've got a..."  The Bratz doll beams and sez "Woody".

Scene: GI Joe recounts the epic battle in the sand box against dinosaurs, super heroes and a Barbie that has razor blades for breasts.  At one point in the story he turns his back to the other toys, drops his pants to show a horribly scorched butt.  "Jimmy Groglio shoved a lit firecracker up my ass".  "The horror.  The horror."

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Dead Air

The world is quickly running out of oil and we are on the brink of global war.  All of the countries with space programs race to launch a space crew to take control of the last space satellite.  Back on earth a scientist has come up with a controversial method to create energy from outer space by using a satellite.  As the space battle begins, he discovers the missing formula he needs to make the invention work.  He gets in touch with a Richard Branson like figure who has a commercial space ship and convinces him to send him up with some mercenaries to try to stop the war and end the energy crisis.


A brilliant hacker is asked by the government to write a code that will cripple Iran's nuclear centrifuge.  In doing so he gets access to the information of everyone on the planet.  He releases a cyber worm onto the Web.  He becomes drunk with power as the effects of his work ripple throughout the world, and driven mad by the consequences.

With Justin Timberlake as Solo